my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
