my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
