You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
