i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
