does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he shaved USA in his pubs
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
