I met the friendliest cop last night
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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