I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
