I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
