my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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