I'm lost and stupid without you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
