Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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