I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
