i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
