I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
