My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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