I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
