i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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