You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
