we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So squirting runs in the family.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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