we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
