His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
