I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
