why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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