If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
