so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
