Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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