I puked a lego.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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