I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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