You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
