Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The adults are the big ones right?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
