Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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