Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
