maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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