You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
