What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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