"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
