im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
did i just pee glitter
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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