We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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