Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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