I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
