i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
