So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
