You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
