fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
