Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
