Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
