dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
