Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
