I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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