when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
